Your Comprehensive Guide to Wedding Planning

Forget napkin colors and seating charts for now—your first wedding decisions are the ones that set the tone for everything else. The sooner you knock these out, the smoother the rest will go (we promise). This is the foundation of your planning era. Let’s build it right.

📆 Step 1 | Choosing Your Wedding Date

You might already have a “dream date” in mind (Season?Anniversary? Astrology? Just sounds cute?), but flexibility = power. Popular venues book up to 18 months in advance, and if you want the place and the people (photographers, planners, florists), the less attached to one specific day, the better.

Here’s what to consider:

• Weather in your preferred region (Summer in NorCal? Gorgeous. July in Texas? Bold.)
• Travel for your guests (Holiday weekends: convenient but can be crowded depending on your venue)
• Flower + produce availability (If you care about seasonal menus or local florals)
• Personal schedules and significant dates (Avoid exam weeks, tax season, and due dates)

If you were always the student with a to-do list, try a paper planning journal like the Moleskine Wedding Journal or Minted’s Wedding Planner to track date ideas and vendor availability, and jot down ideas.

Digital more your thing? Try apps like Zola, Joy, or The Knot Worldwide to explore wedding websites, timelines, and vendor availability all in one place.

Need inspo? 🔗 Our full post on how to choose a wedding date breaks down the best strategy.

👯 Step 2 | Create Your Guest List

Your guest count affects nearly every major vendor quote, from catering to rentals to the venue itself.

You don’t need to finalize the list right now, but getting a ballpark (think: “40-60” vs “closer to 200”) will help you set a realistic vision.

Things to consider…

• Are we doing a single-day bash or full wedding weekend?
• Do we want a cozy, intimate vibe or full-squad party mode?
• Are we inviting kids and plus-ones, or should we keep it strictly in the inner circle?

Need help curating your list without guilt spiraling? Check out…

• Benefits of a Small Wedding
  
• How to Create Your Bay Area Wedding Venue Guest List
• Reddit communities like r/weddingplanning and r/AmITheBridezilla for advice, venting, and honest hot takes

No one says you need to consult Reddit, but many planning couples find it useful.

You’re not meant to do this alone. Even if you’re Type A with a color-coded Notion board and three backup plans, having the right vendors turns your wedding from DIY stress to effortless.

🪄 Your Wedding Planner & Sanity Saver

Do you need a planner? Yes, you really do. A good planner isn’t just a coordinator—they’re your creative director, logistics manager, and unofficial therapist.

Types of planners:

• Full-service (ideal for destination or multi-day weddings)
• Month-of/day-of coordinators (for couples who did most of the planning but don’t want to cue the DJ themselves)
• Design-focused planners (great if you have vision but no time)

Need proof? Read 5 Reasons Why a Wedding Planner is Your Wedding’s BFF at Black Oak. You’ll never look at a timeline spreadsheet the same way again.

Where to find them…

• Word of mouth or recommendations (ask other couples + vendors, venue team)
• The Knot Pro, Zola Vendor Marketplace, and Junebug Weddings
• Instagram (don’t sleep on Reels showing behind-the-scenes setups, but always vet reviews too)

📸 Photographers

You’re not just hiring someone to “get the shot”—you’re hiring an artist to capture the feeling. A good photographer notices the quiet glances, the laughs, the magic of the day. A great one delivers a gallery that makes you happy cry.

Questions to ask:

• What’s your editing style? (Light and airy, moody, editorial?)
• What’s your philosophy on posing vs. candid?
• Do they offer content creation add-ons (Reels, TikToks, behind-the-scenes clips)?

Average pricing falls around $2,500 to $4,000—though wedding photographer costs can range anywhere from $1,000 to $50,000 and higher in the United States. – Brides

A videographer isn’t mandatory, but having a pro there to capture at least part of your special day is important.

Style Me Pretty, Green Wedding Shoes, Carats & Cake, Vogue, PartySlate, Brides, and platforms like Instagram and Tiktok can all be great places to start looking for your dream photographer.

🎥 Bonus Vendors That Take It to the Next Level

These are the vendors that push your wedding into ✨main character energy✨ territory. They’re also not totally necessary if they don’t fit into your budget.

You don’t need a complete theme, a palette approved by Pantone, or 47 mood boards to have a stunning, cohesive look. You just need intention, a little imagination, and a few experts who can take your Pinterest board and bring it to life.

How to Find Your Wedding Aesthetic

This can act as a mini guide to help Black Oak couples lock in their vibe with intention…

Step 1: Look Inward

What are your go-to hotel aesthetics? What restaurants or bars feel like “you”? What colors or styles do you gravitate toward in your home? Start there.

Step 2: Use Your Location

Cool, CA brings serious wine country elegance and natural beauty. Your design should either complement it (earthy, romantic) or contrast it (modern, maximalist). Let the backdrop guide you.

Step 3: Scroll, But With Purpose

Limit yourself to 10–15 saved pins or images. Create a one-line “vibe statement” that captures what you’re drawn to, like:

• “Black and white minimalism”

• “Botanical library wedding”

• “Wine country meets timeless”

Step 4: Think Guest Experience

Do you want the night to feel like a candlelit dinner party? A dance-until-dawn bash? Let that define your visuals.

Step 5: Ask for Outside Perspective

Friends and planners often see patterns in your style before you do. And yes, Reddit or wedding Facebook groups can help—but grain of salt required.

✨ Sustainable Luxury That Doesn’t Feel Cheugy

At Black Oak, we’re big believers that sustainable weddings can be jaw-dropping. In fact, some of the most luxe weddings we’ve seen have leaned into organic textures, thoughtful materials, and low-impact design—and they’ve been gorgeous.

Some of our favorite eco-forward flexes:

• Locally grown florals, minimal foam, and potted plants guests can take home

• Seed paper place cards or menus

• Vintage or rented décor instead of one-time buys

• Farm-to-table menus with local wine pairings (we know a place 🍷) + composting programs

• Rewearable bridesmaid fits (satin slips > chiffon ruffles)

At Black Oak, we’re built for wedding weekends that feel like a true retreat—not a timeline you’re sprinting through in heels. So, whether you’re planning a two-day getaway or a full Friday–Sunday affair, here’s how to make it all flow and feel fabulous.

Your Sample Timeline

Wedding weekends are less about stuffing an itinerary and more about creating space for connection. The most impactful schedules include a few “anchor moments” (welcome night, ceremony, farewell brunch) surrounded by open time for guests to settle in and enjoy the location.

A typical Friday–Sunday flow might look like this:

But don’t feel locked in. Want a Thursday yoga kick-off or a Sunday evening wine blending experience? It’s your weekend—build it like a destination vacation with personalized touchpoints and intentional rhythm.

Pro tip: Don’t over-program every hour. The real magic often happens in the in-between moments—impromptu chats on the terrace, spontaneous pool dips, or a wine-fueled heart-to-heart at midnight.

🥂 A Welcome Experience That Feels Like You

Your welcome event sets the tone—not just for the weekend, but for your entire guest experience. It’s your first impression, your table-setter, your vibe preview.

You don’t have to throw a full rehearsal dinner or rent a second space. At Black Oak, we’ve seen welcome drinks turn into low-key fashion shows and pool hangs that feel like spa days. The key is to make it intentional.

Things to consider:

• Is this your meet-the-family moment, or just a casual kickoff?
• Do you want a theme? Matching colors, espresso martinis, or coastal cocktail chic?
• Will this replace the rehearsal dinner entirely or stand alone as its own event?

Set the tone visually, musically, and emotionally. Want it to feel editorial? Add a sleek coffee bar. Want it playful? Try lawn games and a late-night taco truck.

💒 Ceremony Planning

It’s the part where you actually get married—so why does it so often feel like the most boring part of the day?

Spoiler: it doesn’t have to. At Black Oak, we’ve seen ceremonies that are emotional, cinematic, poetic, hilarious, and entirely reflective of the couple. Your ceremony should feel like a moment, not a formality. Let’s help you build one that hits.

🧭 Start with the Energy You Want to Create

Before you pick flowers or write vows, ask: What do we want this moment to feel like—for us and for everyone watching?

Do you want soft and sacred? Wild and weird? Light-hearted but grounded? The best ceremonies aren’t tied to tradition—they’re tied to intention. Your vibe guides everything from your processional song to who officiates.

Some couples bring in a close friend to lead the ceremony; others hire a professional celebrant or interfaith officiant. Don’t be afraid to make it personal—share a few words, include a reading that actually means something to you, or build in a ritual (like wine blending, tree planting, or passing your rings through the crowd) that’s more “you” than “Google’s Top 10 Wedding Traditions.”

🪑 Custom Layouts

Straight rows and folding chairs with “bride’s side” and “groom’s side” signs are fine, but at Black Oak, we’ve seen some unforgettable setups that put the guests in the heart of the moment:

• Semi-circles or full circles: Keep things intimate and inclusive. Everyone feels close to the action, and the photos are chef’s kiss.

• Spiral aisle: One continuous walk that winds you through your people before arriving at the altar. Emotional and cinematic.

• Terraced seating with floral framing: Use the natural elevation of the landscape to create a ceremony that feels layered and luxe.

• Unexpected backdrops: Say your vows in front of the vineyard, under the oaks, or on the edge of the infinity terrace at golden hour.

Whatever layout you choose, consider comfort (rent chairs that don’t squeak), visibility (can everyone hear and see?), and light (don’t backlight yourselves unless you want silhouettes only).

⏳ Timing is Everything

Let’s talk ceremony length. Unless you’re doing a deeply traditional or cultural ceremony, you don’t need more than 20–30 minutes. That’s enough time to settle into the moment, hear a meaningful message, say your vows, and enjoy the applause—without guests checking their phones.

Tips for a well-paced ceremony:

• Keep the processional short and intentional (no ten-minute flower girl walks)

• Have your officiant guide the energy with confidence (and brevity)

• If including readings or music, keep them tight—think impact, not filler

• Plan for natural transitions, like a deep breath before your vows or a pause for applause

Bonus points if you have a post-ceremony moment for just the two of you. Sneak away with a glass of Champagne before jumping into group photos or cocktail hour. You just got married—you deserve a minute.

🎤 Sound & Weather Planning

Outdoor ceremonies are stunning—but they come with variables.

• Sound matters. Invest in a discreet mic setup (lapel + handheld combo is ideal) so everyone can hear your vows.

• Backups = peace of mind. Always have a rain plan and extra seating. Guests love a “Plan B” that still looks like a “Plan A.”

• Comfort is a luxury. Offer parasols, fans, or cozy blankets depending on the season.

Need more help? Our Outdoor Wedding Ceremony and How Long Should Your Wedding Ceremony Be guides go deep.

🎁 Welcome Gifts and Favors

No one wants a crumpled bag of mints and a printed schedule. Thoughtful welcome gifts build excitement and show your guests that you see them as friends, travelers, and part of your story.

Instead of stuffing a bag with the usuals, try aligning your gifts with your location and wedding vibe. Hosting a vineyard weekend? Include mini bottles from a local producer, hand-poured candles, or olive oil from the region. Planning a full itinerary? Pair your welcome bag with a luxe printed map, branded itinerary cards, and a playlist QR code.

Want something that pops? Add a signature item—embroidered robes, eye masks, or a cheeky matchbox that says “we lit the spark.” Personalization is what elevates your gifting from generic to damn, they thought of everything.

🚐 Guest Flow & Transportation

It’s one of the most overlooked parts of planning—and one of the most common complaint points from guests: logistics. If you’re hosting at a destination-style venue like Black Oak, where cell service can be fickle and vibes are high, transportation is part of the guest experience.

Here’s what to ask yourself:

• Will guests be driving, flying, or shuttled in?
• How are they getting from their lodging to the events?
• Will they need help with luggage or directions?
• Is signage chic and clear?

We recommend scheduling one or two key shuttles with buffer time, especially for the ceremony and reception. Add extras like custom playlists, water bottles with your crest, or a pre-party spritz (literally and figuratively) to make transportation feel intentional, not just functional.

💫 Curated Experiences

Optional activities shouldn’t feel like required fun. The best wedding weekends offer space to gather, explore, and enjoy—but with enough flexibility to opt out guilt-free.

Instead of rigid schedules, consider creating “choose-your-own adventure” experiences, like…

• Morning yoga with custom mats or infused water stations
• A guided nature walk ending in a wine tasting
• Casual floral arranging workshop on the lawn
• Tarot or astrology sessions in a shaded nook
• Poolside mocktail class or martini hour with matching swimwear (we see you)

You don’t have to entertain your guests 24/7. Just offer a few key options that lean into your personality and the venue’s strengths.

🥂 Reception Dreams Come True

The best receptions don’t follow a strict template—they unfold like a great dinner party, a chic rooftop bash, and the best night of your life all rolled into one.

At Black Oak, we’ve hosted everything from six-course vineyard dinners to barefoot terrace dance parties under the stars. So trust us when we say: there’s no one “right” way to do this. But there is a way to make it feel seamless, elevated, and so you.

Start by thinking of your reception in acts, not checkboxes. Instead of trying to cram in “grand entrance, toasts, dinner, cake, dance floor” in a two-hour window, map the energy arc. What do you want people to feel when they arrive? What’s the moment they’ll remember? Where do you want your own breathers to happen?

Dinner can be served as a long, lingering feast or family-style under twinkle lights. We’ve seen couples skip the formal sit-down altogether in favor of grazing tables, chef action stations, or curated bites passed out between speeches and mingling. Want to keep people engaged during dinner?

Add a surprise: a live band, a roaming tarot reader, or a quick outfit change that lets you re-enter as your after-dark alter ego.

Speaking of timing: toasts are best when they’re short, heartfelt, and strategically placed. Put one before dinner to set the tone, one between courses to keep the pace, and one right before dessert for that emotional kick. You don’t need seven. You need three people who actually know how to speak into a microphone.

Then comes the dance floor. No one’s saying you have to open with a slow first dance (although if you do, let’s make it stylish and short). What matters more is creating a transition that says, “OK, time to party now.” Whether it’s a live band taking over or a signature cocktail passed out with a beat drop, the best receptions have a clear switch from dinner to dance.

Finally, don’t forget about the exits. Whether you’re riding off in a vintage convertible, sneaking away in matching sweats, or just blending into the crowd for an after-hours hang—plan your finale. A great exit feels like a mic drop, not an awkward “uh, are we done?”

A well-designed reception doesn’t feel forced. The speeches hit, the playlist slaps, and the energy builds naturally. Add a few unexpected touches (yes to espresso martinis, yes to late-night fries, yes to your grandma’s signature pie recipe served as dessert), and your reception becomes more than a party—it becomes a lifelong memory.

You pulled off the most iconic wedding weekend of the decade. You’ve hugged everyone, danced till your feet gave up, and made a thousand memories with your favorite person. Now? You deserve a little exhale. Enter: the minimoon.

Think of it as the honeymoon’s cooler, calmer cousin. A minimoon is a shorter, closer-to-home (or venue!) escape you can take right after the wedding to soak it all in before returning home. And around Cool, CA? You’ve got options.

✨ Why Minimoons Are Having a Moment

• You don’t have to fly across the world the day after your wedding
• It gives you breathing room before a longer trip (or lets you save up for one)
• Less packing, less planning, more spontaneous magic
• You get to linger in the post-wedding glow instead of diving straight back into reality

Plus, Northern California is basically made for mini-mooning.

 

🌄 Destinations Near Black Oak

1. Calistoga
Slip into a mud bath, sip wine in your robes, and let someone else do the scheduling. Calistoga offers upscale wellness with no itinerary stress.

2. Lake Tahoe
Cozy cabins, blue water, endless views. Whether you want to ski, swim, or just soak in a hot tub with your new spouse and a bottle of wine, it hits every time.

3. Mendocino Coast
Waves, wine, wildflowers. It’s giving “we ran away and never looked back” energy, but with ocean views and breakfast in bed.

4. Yosemite
Book a luxe lodge or tucked-away AirBnb outside the park. Do a sunrise hike. Take foggy, romantic photos. Come home refreshed and smug.

5. Sacramento
Under an hour from Black Oak and surprisingly underrated. Go for a luxe downtown hotel, stroll midtown art galleries, and eat your way through a food scene that’s very “if you know, you know.”

6. San Francisco
The ultimate flex: post-wedding cocktails at a rooftop bar in the city, spa mornings at Nob Hill, shopping in Hayes Valley, and waterfront views with your new last name. Romantic, iconic, and just far enough from the venue to feel like a new chapter.

7. Stay Right Where You Are
Honestly? Extend your Black Oak stay by a night. Order a private chef dinner, swim under the stars, and do absolutely nothing but relive every magical moment. We won’t judge.